11 shades of red

An XI to make a DVD about
4-3-3

GOALKEEPER:

Jens Lehmann arrived from Schalke in 1998 and is much remembered for only conceding 5 goals during a whole season at Milan. That three goals came from the foot of Batistuta in a 3-1 loss where one of them was a free-kick following a back-pass Lehmann had handled incorrectly (it's not fair to count free-kick goals inside the penalty area as goals). That one goal was against Cagliari in a 1-0 loss where he gave away a penalty and the coach Zaccheroni chose to substitute him only after the goal instead of before the penalty kick was taken as to keep Lehmann's record-run down to four goals. That Lehmann only played 5 games in total for Milan is a matter of silly pedantry.

DEFENDERS:

Taribo West arrived Milan in the summer of 1999. Impressed by the stylish haircut which looked like a minor amusement park and the fact that Taribo could receive satellite-stations through the antenna-like parts of his hair, Berlusconi decided to sign him and later during the same year he had an Eureka moment which led to the launch of Milan Channel. Brought in from Inter with plenty of Nerazzuri laughing at us because they felt they had unloaded a joke gone bad, Taribo showed where his true loyalties were during his two year spell at Milan where we only lost one out of four games against Inter in the league, and Taribo chose not to play a single one of them to strengthen our defence.

Roque Junior played four seasons at Milan. Or, he was there for four years. A true inspiration for a whole generation as he proved that if you simply stay in the background, don't even turn up for the yearly Panini stickers photo session, let alone for games when you're in the starting eleven, you can still make a shitload of money and have "professional football player" on your business card.

Roberto Ayala came from Napoli and claimed he knew Maradona personally at a time when no one wanted to be associated with Maradona. A role model for each player who wants to practice hard on Milan's expense then play well for Valencia instead.

Jose Chamot was signed to play with Maldini and Costacurta who both were closing in on 40 in age but played like they were 25, which amazed the world. It was nothing less than a stroke of genius to bring in the 33 year old Argentinean and have him play to look like he was 60 years. Or something. I think.

MIDFIELD:

Ibrahim Ba Cult player. No one will remember his 1997-2003 spell at Milan (which is easy to forget out of pure willpower) as much as they will the 2007-2008 spell when he returned from Swedish European Cup giants Djurgården, and everyone wondered what he did at Milan. It is still to this day an enigma on par with what the f**k Lecce even play for with them being promoted and relegated more often than Alex Ferguson complains about ref's.

Ümit Davala released a rap-album while he played for Milan. I haven't heard any Turkish rap but it seemed Moratti liked it because he bought Davala and there must be at least one player in this XI who's great because Moratti went and signed the useless mess of a singer.

Andres Guglielminpietro has a name which takes a fortnight to pronounce and has left an impression of the sort where you think you've been in a coma during the time he played for Milan, because you can't remember it. But the Milan marketing division is a brilliant organization. When stocks were filled with unsold XXXL size Milan shirts where names such as Boban or Leonardo would vanish if printed on the back, look like someone glued a stamp* to a wall, we brought in Guglielminpietro and sold the whole stock to the Thai black market within a week. When he demanded Guly was to be printed on his shirt instead he was sacked.

* For the youngsters of this board, a stamp is something which was used in the olden days when you wanted to send someone mail.

FORWARDS:

Rivaldo moved to the city of Milano at the very height of his career in late summer 2002, right after Brazil had clinched their 5th World Cup over in some countries mostly known for raw fish wrapped around lumps of rice and turning the motor city Detroit into a town not even zombie's find an interest in anymore. At first Rivaldo was a tad confused and disappointed. Entering San Siro for the first time he found that he was back yet again back inside a stadium with audience on four sides, and not the world famous Verdi theatre stage where he had hoped to pursue his new career, the career which he was at his peak of. Acting, not football.
After being praised for his excellent interpretation of sergeant Elias' famous fall in Oliver Stone's Platoon, when Rivaldo fell to the ground while taking a corner against Turkey as if someone had knocked him over the back with Materazzis wooden leg, he received worldwide recognition as a potential future star on the experimental theatre scene.
Unfortunately he had to respect his new contract, continue to play football and give up on full-time acting, but that baby-faced Brazilian's fall to the ground when hit by a slow-pace rolling ball was in the history books and we wanted to be part of that history.

Robinho emerged as the new boy wonder while playing for Santos mid-2000. The next football gift to the world was said to be what wonder bread had become for hung-over bachelors with post binge-drinking shakes who were incapable of handling a knife without slicing their scrotum off, or possibly even what deep fried snicker-bars had meant in placing the Scottish kitchen under the culinary radar.
His fast runs with inventive dribbling where he tries to get past players by throwing his body in all four cardinal directions at the same time has gained reputation, combined with his extraordinary sportsmanship displayed on numerous occasions when three feet in front of an open goal he's generously decided to pelt the ball high and over the stands instead of the opposition having a way too easy goal against them.
Steve Jobs once met Robinho in an airport terminal while the latter was stood in front of a laptop recording his daily Brazilian dance moves and Amazonian chants which he posts under his YouTube account. This inspired Jobs to produce the iPhone for easier making of Robinho-videos and that in turned propelled Facebook into world domination.

José Mari was very successful at being unsuccessful among players at the time, who made that very hard to achieve. Back in those days you could never see the coming of the Spanish wonder if you watched Mari in Milan. He did score 5 goals in 50 games which is about once every time Haley's comet passes by. It's always nice to have a forward who doesn't try to score all the goals himself.

SUBS

Andreas Andersson was someone you'd at first suspect blind Smurf was in charge of transfers that year, but we needed a blonde player for the ladies and Andersson was him.

Winston Bogarde is the kind of man who if he worked for your local public transportation, it went bankrupt and was to be sold as scrap to Burundi, he would move into one of the trams. No one tells this negro to bow. No, those are not my words, that's the name of his autobiography. Chelsea tried to get rid of him but he refused, sitting out his 4-year, 60,000 euro/week contract while training with the junior side. It's the kind of man Berlusconi would instantly hire for office if he was a politician.

Christophe Dugarry is one I've never figured out if he played football or was one of those pitch-invading fans pulling pranks. I guess that's a bit special.

How has anyone not seen this? Shame on you Milanisti

I'm short on time to comment comprehensively but this was brilliant Pietro.

There were countless more useless bums in our team whose acquisition I for one never understood, and I'm fairly sure they didn't themselves, too.

Riccardo Oliveira, Valerio Fiori, Dimitrios Eleftheropoulos, Javi Moreno, EMERSON (FFS), and Francesco Coco to name a bunch.

There were also young guns who actually stood a decent chance of cutting it, but they just couldn't. Like Sokratis Papastathopoulos, Alberto Gilardino and Yoann Gourcuff. Didac Vila is well on his way toward nowhere too, apparently.

The trend will surely continue, but I hope they at least will be either old stars of yesteryear, or ones who can still be sold for a consolation price!

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Like I mentioned in the "Quiz" thread, this new fella is a Goodfella (in its Scorsese sense) and is making a name for himself out here, and FAST!

I like you PPV, you've hit the ground running, all that remains, is for you to keep being so top-notch...
Well, nobody will try to stop you!

WHERE

IS

DIGAO!!!

Forza Rossoneri wrote:WHERE

IS

DIGAO!!!

Good question.

The reason why I didn't include Digao in my list, is that he wasn't, strictly speaking, a Footballer. You know, he isn't a Soccer player!

He was here to keep Kaka a little, just a little, happier.
When Kaka felt too happy, though, he switched shirts, and Milan sold Digao for -$12.

Anyone else?

LOL

But, if Braida called you up in 5 minutes time and offered you the opportunity to sign for Milan to enhance the dressing room atmosphere or keep a player happy, you would still call yourself a pro footballer, no?

Forza Rossoneri wrote:LOL

But, if Braida called you up in 5 minutes time and offered you the opportunity to sign for Milan to enhance the dressing room atmosphere or keep a player happy, you would still call yourself a pro footballer, no?

I am a Pro Footballer, it's just that no team in the whole world has ever offered me a contract, and I haven't played a single competitive game in my life.

Other than that, I'm an out-and-out Pro.
If given the opportunity, I'll nutmeg Thiago Silva two times a minute and outpace Bale like a piece of sh... I mean a piece of cake!

Catch me if you can!

IrasMaldinista wrote:

Forza Rossoneri wrote:LOL

But, if Braida called you up in 5 minutes time and offered you the opportunity to sign for Milan to enhance the dressing room atmosphere or keep a player happy, you would still call yourself a pro footballer, no?

I am a Pro Footballer, it's just that no team in the whole world has ever offered me a contract, and I haven't played a single competitive game in my life.

Other than that, I'm an out-and-out Pro.
If given the opportunity, I'll nutmeg Thiago Silva two times a minute and outpace Bale like a piece of sh... I mean a piece of cake!

Catch me if you can!

Same, I've been on the free transfer list for ages, but nobody wants to pay my wages.

soon to be on the liist..

taye taiwo
bakaye traore
sokratis papastathopolus???

IrasMaldinista wrote:There were countless more useless bums in our team whose acquisition I for one never understood, and I'm fairly sure they didn't themselves, too.

Riccardo Oliveira, Valerio Fiori, Dimitrios Eleftheropoulos, Javi Moreno, EMERSON (FFS), and Francesco Coco to name a bunch.

There were also young guns who actually stood a decent chance of cutting it, but they just couldn't. Like Sokratis Papastathopoulos, Alberto Gilardino and Yoann Gourcuff. Didac Vila is well on his way toward nowhere too, apparently.

The trend will surely continue, but I hope they at least will be either old stars of yesteryear, or ones who can still be sold for a consolation price!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Like I mentioned in the "Quiz" thread, this new fella is a Goodfella (in its Scorsese sense) and is making a name for himself out here, and FAST!

I like you PPV, you've hit the ground running, all that remains, is for you to keep being so top-notch...
Well, nobody will try to stop you!

Very kind, man!
This was what kind of what I was hoping for, to have other add to the list.

Ostracisation of Strayans continue. I present to you Bond villain KALAC (forgive me I can't spell his first name)



Those streaks of grey Dude is 6 ft 8

How many Milanisti know the story of Luther Blisset? Many football experts agree that he is the biggest flop in the history of flops. This is the story. Blisset was European Golden Shoe winner after dominating the Donkeyy League (England) with Watford. He made a big money superstar move to Milan. In the summer hype reached extraordinary levels. Since papers did not have anything to write about in the off season with no football going on and no MT Botric to provide them with 3252553 transfer rumours each hour they hyped Bilsset to extraordinary levels. Healines like "WITH HIS BOXER"S PHYSIQUE HOW MANY TEAMS WILL BLISSET KNOCK OUT?" and "PLATINI FINISHED TOP SCORER OF SERIE A WITH 18 GOALS? I WILL SCORE MORE!" were written and sure enough, Bilsset was brilliant in pre-season friendlies but then the season began...He finished with a grand total of 2 goals. Balo already has 4. Some records say 5 or 6, but I personally heard 2. It was not about his profilgacy but the comedy he provided. He once missed a goal from ONE YARD, LITERALLY ONE YARD. Then once he missed a penalty and it almost went out of the stadium. Some people claim it did go out of the stadium, but that is scientifically impossible. He was sold back at half price next season.

Nice thread, but how on earth can a thread like this not include Luther Bliss

How are y'all forgetting MANCINI who played the best 6 months of his career alongside EMERSON at milan

lol Mancini

Almost forgot about Mancini

One name which does not belong here is Redondo.
The man is a legend.

He was on over $2 million a year in salary when he played for Milan but refused to take the check because of the injury which kept him from playing for us.

Another is Lentini, who was a very gifted player when we broke the transfer fee record isgning him but once he had his near-death car accident he was never the same.