Headlines you will never see

"joey barton closes twitter account"


Oh, how I wish....

"Hat-trick hero Tomasso Rocchi has Inter within striking distance of the coveted 3rd place spot"

Amauri wins Serie A goal king, with his talent and hairdo, Tuttosport claims its been a a long time coming...

looool. Rocchi mamma mia....

"Theo Walcott admits he's NOT a centre-forward!"

"Squillaci signs new long-term contract with Arsenal"

"Redknapp silent about transfer rumours"

A recent interview with The Times, Sir Alex Ferguson admits about slight bias from refereeing decisions:

"I've been in the football managerial for over 30 years and I must admit, we (Manchester United) have been more fortunate to refereeing decisions, particularly at Old Trafford."

When asked if said referees include Howard Webb and Mark Clatterburg, the Manchester United manager was less inclined.

In other news, Kenny Daglish admits that signing Downing "may have been a mistake."

Mancini: We dont need to spend big this summer

Howard Webb cost Man U 3 crucial points

Serie A teams hail Tagliavento's fair referee decisions

"Former Barca manager Pep Guardiola said of the recent Stoke-Sunderland clash: 'It was an ode to football'."

Rodgers: "We weren't outstanding today and my players lacked afford and application"

Fergie: "We need reinforcements in midfield"

Harry Redknapp wrote:Rodgers: "We weren't outstanding today and my players lacked afford and application"

Oldham.

"Mike Dean Controversial decision costs Manchester United Win"

Robbie Keane upon signing for his new club "I was never a fan of this club as a kid"

'' As Mario Balotelli retires at the age of 30 , Zanetti admits thinking about retirement ''

UEFA corrupt

Chelsea fail to hang on to Torres as PSG buy the Premier League Golden Boot winner for £70m.

Tuttosport: Zamparini fires himself after realizing he is an utter moron.

"Blatter: I will not seek a new term at the helm of FIFA"

"FIGC admit Calciopoli was a mistake and pays damages to Juventus for financial loss and ruined image"

"Moratti banned from football for life while Inter is relegated in Serie C1 for Calciopoli wrongdoings"

"Casillas named best goalkeeper of the last 25 years by IFFHS"

"Romania national team hires [foreign coach]"

"Romania national team qualifies for WC2014 tournament in Brazil"

Diego Maradona named 20xx Fifa Coach of the Year.

"Because of FFP Manchester City, PSG, etc are disqualified from 2014 edition of UEFA Champions League"

"David Beckham returns to Manchester United"

"Giggs and Scholes decide to hang-up boots"

The Argentinian FA announce that a one minutes silence will be observed at all argentinan matches this weekend to commemorate the passing of the great leader and pacifist, former British Prime minister Margret Thatcher

I cant wait for the goal.com version of this thread

"Blatter steps down"

"Spurs win on penalties"

"Newcastle are a massive a club" - Alex Ferguson.