Quotes of the week - Serie A

“Let’s say Juventus are like a beautiful woman who just needs to go to the hairdresser…”
Agent Federico Pastorello still thinks The Rachel will work

“If I were in Massimo Moratti’s shoes, I would’ve avoided going around telling everyone I was clean and honest for all these years.”
Says Luciano Moggi, who continues to insist he’s clean and honest despite all evidence to the contrary

“I think back to the footage of the Inter players who were singing: ‘We win without stealing.’ I expect they’ll have to dream up a new chant, now...”
Moggi suggests: ‘We qualified for Europe, which is more than Juve can say’

“We have requested that Inter’s title be revoked purely because we want everyone to be treated equally.”
President Andrea Agnelli welcomes the Nerazzurri into the gutter

“I think that if they voluntarily handed back the 2006 Scudetto, the Nerazzurri would gain a new level of respect and admiration.”
Coaches’ Association President Renzo Ulivieri might even bestow sainthood for a gesture like that

“Vucinic is someone we like and his arrival wouldn’t block that of a top player.”
Bianconeri director general Beppe Marotta needs to work on his sweet talk technique

“Raiola advised me to sell Hamsik. I replied: Mind your own business.”
If Marek is his client, Aurelio De Laurentiis, then technically it is his business

“Only three forwards, in my opinion, can change a team – Lionel Messi, Cristiano Ronaldo and Zlatan Ibrahimovic. Below these three players are a group of outsiders that a few years ago Diego and Amauri were a part of. This confirms that football is not an exact science.”
RAI journalist Carlo Nesti has discovered the theory of reverse evolution in the careers of Juventus forwards

“Giuseppe Rossi is my only regret when it comes to my picks for the 2010 World Cup – I should have taken him to South Africa.”
Really, Marcello Lippi? That is your ONLY regret?

“I have already spoken to President Zamparini and every meeting has been very positive. I’m sure there will be moments when our opinions contrast, but that is normal.”
As will Stefano Pioli getting the axe every few weeks

“We won’t be the side to make De Laurentiis an indecent proposal.”
He’s not Adriano Galliani’s type

“Every day could be the day when a deal is done.”
Stephan Lichtsteiner was philosophical before his move to Juventus

“I promised to Moratti that if things do change, then Inter will have a sort of moral option on Hamsik.”
Napoli President De Laurentiis writes his contracts in blood

“Then if people want to start rumours then that is fine…”
Alright, then. De Laurentiis has secretly locked away all the mermaids in the world! You heard it here first

“When Iaquinta is fit, he is a first team starter at Juventus.”
Agent Andrea D’Amico reveals just how bad the situation is in Turin

“Of course the left foot is always special for me. If it is used well, it will be fantastic.”
When used badly, Moratti, it can be Alvaro Recoba

“I’m not spending another winter without a job.”
Marcello Lippi can’t stand any more daytime television

“As for myself, I am a very aggressive player on the field – different to what I’m like in everyday life.”
Lichtsteiner promises he won’t go into a sliding tackle in the supermarket

“Ligue 1 is a perfect championship for young players to form, it’s no good for me.”
That 26-year-old Houssine Kharja is an old soul

“It is against us, which means it is in favour of someone else.”
Moratti always senses a shadowy third party