Make up a headline by British rags about LFC Players

ASSUMPTIONS:

Papers published from today to August 16th 2011 after our game vs Sunderland...ASSUME that we lose the game 2-0 @ Anfield.

I start:

The Sun: "Pepe Reina to consider future following home defeat"

NOTW: "Andy Carroll caught pushing his mum after failing to find the net against arch-enemy Sunderland"

Mirror: "Alex Curran myteriously impregnated as Gerrard damages his groin again"

Daily Mail: "EXCLUSIVE. NESV suspected to be Hicks MK II after LFC miss on Sylvian Mavreaux"

Sun: "Kenny's misery begins as Hodgson's West Brom outclass Manchester United. Where is Roy when LFC needs him?"

NOTW: "Luis Suarez has told our source that he'll fancy a move to Barca before transfer window ends. The striker was red carded yesterday after biting Lee Catermole's neck"

Mirror: "EXCLUSIVE: Andy Carroll leaves LFC's Asian Tour to attend Kevin Nolan's first party in London. Our source understand that Charlie Sheen and 10 of his favourite all time prostitutes will be attending the party"

Daily Mail: "Konchesky vows to stay at Liverpool following his mum's advise"

NOTW: "Lucas, who is tauted as the worst Brazilian footballer ever by all our pundits, is set to be offered to Blackpool as part of the deal with Charlie Adam"

Sun: "Fans turn on Kenny and go on mass protests as Raul Meireles hints at Liverpool exit. He is rumoured to have removed the Liverpool tattoo off his left ass"

NOTW: "EXCLUSIVE: Andy Carroll RUINS A RELATIONSHIP. Carroll, 22, was caught making out in a Norweigen nightclub following Liverpool's pre-season friendly game against Valnerega. It turned out the girl had a boyfriend and was just too drunk. Her boyfriend is rumoured to have dumped the girl after seeing her hooking up with Andy Carroll."

Daily Mail: "16M FLOP benched, as Connor Wickham's brace silences Anfield. "

Nothing about Henderson?