Off-Topic Garden Café

How short and unfair life can be sometimes. I went for a coffee after i ve been to the city's stadium in a local derby.. i sit down with my friends , making jokes of the opponents who lost 4-1 , i ask for my coffee and some minutes later the phone rings.

A friend of mine had an accident with his motorcycle and died. Just like that. We weren't best friends , but i knew him for many years and he was a great lad , everybody liked him . ffs...

And as if that wasn't enough , he had a girl on the bike too , which is in now critical condition. And the 84 year old , which was his mistake this happened, got out ok. 84 and still driving ffs
I got home and i couldn't even find the will to watch Milan ffs , i'm devastated

I just wanted to share this for the guys who drive on 2 wheels. Be careful guys . There are so many morrons on the roads

wow, sorry to hear that Dante. I hate hearing stories like that, there's also a guy my cousin was best friends with who got in an accident on his motorcycle and lost his life, he was only in his 20's

Ah, yeah.. using motorcycle is quite risky but here in Jakarta, so many people use it.. if you know about Jakarta's traffic then you will know why hehe..
I also had a friend who lost his life on a motorcycle, he was squashed under a truck.

I drive on motorcycle quite frequently, but will surely always be careful.. I dont want to die that way
But if I do, well I can't choose the way I will die can I?

Dante13 wrote:How short and unfair life can be sometimes. I went for a coffee after i ve been to the city's stadium in a local derby.. i sit down with my friends , making jokes of the opponents who lost 4-1 , i ask for my coffee and some minutes later the phone rings.

A friend of mine had an accident with his motorcycle and died. Just like that. We weren't best friends , but i knew him for many years and he was a great lad , everybody liked him . ffs...

And as if that wasn't enough , he had a girl on the bike too , which is in now critical condition. And the 84 year old , which was his mistake this happened, got out ok. 84 and still driving ffs
I got home and i couldn't even find the will to watch Milan ffs , i'm devastated

I just wanted to share this for the guys who drive on 2 wheels. Be careful guys . There are so many morrons on the roads

Ouch...

So sorry for your loss. I was one of the few in my childhood that found motorcycles thoroughly unappealing. Why? This.

As Dante said, be careful guys.

I feel sorry for you boy.

You have so much class, so much potential. And you're not forgetful, you'll know what to do when you're there.

I know all about that stuff.

But damn, it doesn't work that way.

You're destined to lose.

The prettier chicks are picked up by those rich fitness-freak sissies driving daddy's convertible BMW, and you can only watch...and swear maybe.

The countryside houses are built for that rich dude from highschool, and you have to settle for a dump of a flat, if luck smiles at you that is.

The great jobs are waiting for those momma's boys who didn't have to worry about the next t-shirt they needed to buy, because they didn't have to save for it.

You're destined to lose, lose and lose. And then lose more and more.

But you know what I came to realize? You might not be a loser after all. You can refuse to be one.
I learned that you might do lose, but only for so long, for as long as you yourself want to. Maybe only for now.

You can rise up from the ashes and ruins, find your right spot in this big, crazy world and hell yeah, why not? You can prosper. You can find your way and follow through it.

You can give in to the flow and let others laugh at your tame, lousy, hopeless attempts to get to money overnight, or you can find the way and once and for all give it a big push, become somebody and do whatever you once only dreamed of doing.

Instead of those punks' sexy gals, you can get yourself a patient, sympathetic, selfless wife about whose miraculous effect on a man's life they simply have no idea.

For their six-figure-making jobs you could find an occupation for which you will be remembered and of which in 30 years, you will be absolutely proud.

You can turn it all around, I promise.

No, I don't agree with Leonard Cohen when he says "The poor gets poor and the rich gets rich...that's how it goes...everybody knows..."

The depressed poet is too pessimistic.

The rich does get rich(er), but the poor could too.

Sometimes fate could do unexpected things to you, but hear me and believe me when I say: They ain't always bad.

Sometimes they're unbelievable.

I am in the worst fix of my life, and the first place i thought about was this post it in. I got a wonderful new deal from my current employer that pays massively well, more than I ever dreamt of, the kind of offers that in three years it can set me for a solid future, and save me years and years. I informed my wife about it and told her i already accepted it and signed for it, the offer requires me leaving my family for a moth interval every 3 months, she didn't complain at first but now she has serious problems with it, she is asking me we either stay together or we divorce, I refused and we are more than likely going to divorce.

I don't know if I took the right decision or not, do i love my wife? yes I do.
Do I already miss my baby? more than anything (haven't talked to her or seen her in 10 days now). But this job is the best thing that might happen to me and my family especially at this age, it would be a very tough 3-4 years but it paves the way for a very enjoyable future.

baresi wrote:I am in the worst fix of my life, and the first place i thought about was this post it in. I got a wonderful new deal from my current employer that pays massively well, more than I ever dreamt of, the kind of offers that in three years it can set me for a solid future, and save me years and years. I informed my wife about it and told her i already accepted it and signed for it, the offer requires me leaving my family for a moth interval every 3 months, she didn't complain at first but now she has serious problems with it, she is asking me we either stay together or we divorce, I refused and we are more than likely going to divorce.

I don't know if I took the right decision or not, do i love my wife? yes I do.
Do I already miss my baby? more than anything (haven't talked to her or seen her in 10 days now). But this job is the best thing that might happen to me and my family especially at this age, it would be a very tough 3-4 years but it paves the way for a very enjoyable future.

I hope you don't get divorced, it is always hardest for the child. Maybe if the time when you are with your wife to be quality time, tell her how hard it is for you to leave her and the family but it is for the greater good. That she has to try to see it from your point of view. I have seen many friends get divorced because they they worked too hard and done so for the family only for the wife to slap the husband in the face for all his hard work with wanting to leave him. try to convince her that this sacrifice is really for her and that the future will be bright once this tough spell is over. Maybe if you could let your wife come along once in awhile if it is possible, as maybe she questions your fidelity she can see for herself what really happens during your time away.

Anyway God Bless old friend and hope what happens is for the best

baresi wrote:I am in the worst fix of my life, and the first place i thought about was this post it in. I got a wonderful new deal from my current employer that pays massively well, more than I ever dreamt of, the kind of offers that in three years it can set me for a solid future, and save me years and years. I informed my wife about it and told her i already accepted it and signed for it, the offer requires me leaving my family for a moth interval every 3 months, she didn't complain at first but now she has serious problems with it, she is asking me we either stay together or we divorce, I refused and we are more than likely going to divorce.

I don't know if I took the right decision or not, do i love my wife? yes I do.
Do I already miss my baby? more than anything (haven't talked to her or seen her in 10 days now). But this job is the best thing that might happen to me and my family especially at this age, it would be a very tough 3-4 years but it paves the way for a very enjoyable future.

Wow I am sorry to hear that baresi. Honestly in my opinion it is family over anything. If this job is risking a divorce, in the end it just isn't worth it. You are taking this job FOR your family, what good is it if you lose them? I made plenty of mistakes where I picked something over family and in the end it just was not worth it. I ended up crawling back to my family and realized without them nothing is worth it. Hope everything works out for you man

baresi wrote:I am in the worst fix of my life, and the first place i thought about was this post it in. I got a wonderful new deal from my current employer that pays massively well, more than I ever dreamt of, the kind of offers that in three years it can set me for a solid future, and save me years and years. I informed my wife about it and told her i already accepted it and signed for it, the offer requires me leaving my family for a moth interval every 3 months, she didn't complain at first but now she has serious problems with it, she is asking me we either stay together or we divorce, I refused and we are more than likely going to divorce.

I don't know if I took the right decision or not, do i love my wife? yes I do.
Do I already miss my baby? more than anything (haven't talked to her or seen her in 10 days now). But this job is the best thing that might happen to me and my family especially at this age, it would be a very tough 3-4 years but it paves the way for a very enjoyable future.

Needless to say, Baresi, you are older, more experienced and more aware of this particular situation than me, but here's what I think:

1. If this job is too good to be repeated in the next ten years, then you have to fight for it, convince everybody it is for the best that you take on it.


2. Milan31 does have a point, but your case is a bit tricky.
Forgive me for saying this, but your wife doesn't at all seem supportive and co-operative to me.

Great men have had patient, wise wives who were always a calming presence for them, a safe cave if you will.

But unless there's something you're not telling us, this is absolutely unacceptable that she's blocking your way toward a very bright future.
Like I said, she better have good-enough reasons to bring up divorce, otherwise she's not doing you any good. In a perfect world, wives wouldn't put the poor working-ass-off husbands in such a catch-22.

3. Wife, money, future... Forget all about them if you know for sure your baby will suffer from your absence, both this temporary one and the almost-permanent one in the long term.

We're talking about a little, sensitive, innocent creature whose way of living her life is 90% determined by how the parents treat her.

I read an article by a famous psychologist in which, amazingly enough, he stated the unconscious mind starts working in full force from the very first days (when we're in momma's womb), so much that e.g. if the mom screams in those important 36 weeks, the baby will feel insecure!

Now calculate how this crazy thing unconscious mind will operate later during the first days, weeks, months and years of our lives.

In one word, watch carefully what you put your invaluable child through, it matters the mostest most.


I hope I haven't offended you in any way.

baresi wrote:I am in the worst fix of my life, and the first place i thought about was this post it in. I got a wonderful new deal from my current employer that pays massively well, more than I ever dreamt of, the kind of offers that in three years it can set me for a solid future, and save me years and years. I informed my wife about it and told her i already accepted it and signed for it, the offer requires me leaving my family for a moth interval every 3 months, she didn't complain at first but now she has serious problems with it, she is asking me we either stay together or we divorce, I refused and we are more than likely going to divorce.

I don't know if I took the right decision or not, do i love my wife? yes I do.
Do I already miss my baby? more than anything (haven't talked to her or seen her in 10 days now). But this job is the best thing that might happen to me and my family especially at this age, it would be a very tough 3-4 years but it paves the way for a very enjoyable future.

I think your first mistake was taking the job without talking to your wife. You guys are supposed to be a team and you made a huge life decision without her (you must think about how that could make her feel). Instead of telling her about the offer and having a proper discussion, you made a decision and dropped this news on her. Not to mention you guys have a child together and now every three months you expect her to raise the child without you being around. While you might think this job offer if the best thing for your family, you must understand that's not your decision to make alone.

You said me a few times in your first paragraph when I think you should have used the word us, e.g., it can set me for a solid future and save me years and years. Perhaps your wife would have been more open to the idea if she had been involved in the decision process and just imagine if your wife made a similar decision without consulting you.

Money is not everything, you can't buy back the time you spend away from your child. I understand you need to make enough to pay the bills and feed your family. My father worked a ton and while he didn't have to travel for his work, my brother and I were raised mostly by our mother. I have a good relationship with my father, but I remember how he wasn't always there for my mom and I think he could have been a more emotionally supportive father.

I'm in no position to judge you and I just wanted to give you my two cents on the matter. Try to listen to your wife and let her know you're there for her and your child. Actions speak louder than words, you might think what you did is best for your family, but like I said earlier, that was not your decision to make alone. I wish you the best and I truly hope that things work out for you and your family.

IrasMaldinista wrote:
Great men have had patient, wise wives who were always a calming presence for them, a safe cave if you will.

But unless there's something you're not telling us, this is absolutely unacceptable that she's blocking your way toward a very bright future.
Like I said, she better have good-enough reasons to bring up divorce, otherwise she's not doing you any good. In a perfect world, wives wouldn't put the poor working-ass-off husbands in such a catch-22.

I must say I really disagree with what you said in the above quote, Iras. Baresi made a commitment to his wife and he decided to make a life changing decision without speaking to her. A decision that will force him to leave her alone for a month at a time every three months. While that may not seem like a big deal, that might not be why she is upset at the idea. My guess would be that she was hurt because she had no say in the matter and who's to say this he won't put her in a similar situation in the future. Relationships are built on trust and making that decision alone broke some of that trust.

I'm not as experienced as you guys are,since I'm younger,but here's what I think:

Yes Baresi,you did a mistake which is not asking her about her opinion before you accepted the offer,nonetheless she should be with the offer. She must understand that this offer is for not only for her own good,but for your daughter's own good as well. I also think that she's making a big deal out of this. I mean talking about divorce because of this is definitely overdoing it. TBH I'm stunned on how easily she speaks of divorce,this might reflect her opinion on divorce.

THC 10 wrote:I must say I really disagree with what you said in the above quote, Iras. Baresi made a commitment to his wife and he decided to make a life changing decision without speaking to her

I'm younger too and have limited experience when it comes to situations this serious, but what I've highlighted in red from THC's quote is key. You make a very good case for taking the job, but I think that your wife would've wanted to be involved in making such an important decision.

I'm not just going to say that out without offering help though; if she is upset because she has been left out of the decision making process, the solution might be to talk to her and tell her that the only reason you took the job was for your family and that this sacrifice will we worthwhile in the long-term. Work through the reasons behind her objection to your work and try to find a compromise. Also, is it possible to renegotiate the period of time that you are away so that you see your family more often?

Everyone here cares about this and supports you as a fellow Milanista and a friend. We all hope that our comments are helpful and that you can sort things out.

It's a job. Life is more meaningful than just money. Come on now.

you are all right, there are certain details I didn't mention, but at first my wife wasn't against it and suddenly after visiting her mother, she "thought about it", she went to an extreme asking for divorce if this happened and she backed her self by having the daughter, now if i know for sure that this is her thinking I would sit down and listen, but when I am almost certain its her mothers' i would never listen to it.

Some people might be surprised here, but I know any arab guy would know how ugly it gets when mothers in law get involved, I know in some european countries it does get as ugly as well.

@THC 10
First of all I must admit I never noticed your username although I read most of your posts, now that i noticed it let me express how much i miss it.

I get what you are saying, but it should be noted that their absence from my life is much tougher from my absence from their lives, I have two people to miss with two entirely different sets of emotions, WIFE and DAUGHTER. We are still young i am in my early thirties while she is in her late twenties, our daughter is not yet 2, so by the time this contract finishes my daughter won't be in school yet.

Is it not worth it, instead of living in a rented house to have ours or at least have our down payment ready? instead of sending our daughter to a public school we can now afford to send her to a very decent private one, have a decent car, shit to be able to think of a second child, to start my own small business, yes the new position pays that well.

Sometimes everything changes in a flash...


Today, for the first time in my life, I quit my job.

It's very hard, you know, after almost two years, your very first job, where people truly loved me... Get the picture?

I'm really sad, but hey, there's an up and coming challenge on the way. I'm gonna get a new job soon, so I guess I shouldn't be complainin' much.

I hope nobody holds any grudge or anything against me from my - now - previous job, I tried my best not to annoy anybody.

To hell with it.

For now, I'm looking forward to a bright, exciting, fun future (And between us, some serious cash)!!!

baresi wrote:you are all right, there are certain details I didn't mention, but at first my wife wasn't against it and suddenly after visiting her mother, she "thought about it", she went to an extreme asking for divorce if this happened and she backed her self by having the daughter, now if i know for sure that this is her thinking I would sit down and listen, but when I am almost certain its her mothers' i would never listen to it.

Some people might be surprised here, but I know any arab guy would know how ugly it gets when mothers in law get involved, I know in some european countries it does get as ugly as well.

7ametak is involved? Shi* just got real

yes she is involved, and shit got real.

If I am depressed, then why do i spend a good part of everyday on laughing and not ever think of suicide?

If I've gone totally insane, nuts, mad, etc. then why people around me treat me completely normally and I'm making progress in everything?

As far as I know, I don't drink (not even a simple beer), I don't smoke (not even cigarettes) and I don't consume any pills (well, advil sometimes?).

So, what's the matter with me?

Could some of you tell me if you've been having these types of thoughts too?

I feel like this all the time...

For the record, Milanista's- this is one of the best threads in Goal Legacy. I just thought I'd give you guys props.

Today I saw something that has changed my view on life. Today I saw with my own eyes how easy it is to die,how simple it is to leave this world because of something as stupid as a stupid fight between drunk people.


I was at hamra street,the most famous street in lebanon,sitting in Starbucks,when I suddenly see people running towards something. Me and my friends went out and ran in the same direction the people were running at to see a guy stabbed to death laying on the floor,probably lifeless. To my right there was a small street(no cars allowed) which was filled with pubs. Approximately 20 men started coming out and just beating the hell out of each other and out of anyone who was simply standing too close. Women were screaming,drunk men were fighting,and people were getting beaten up.


As I went in the opposite direction to seek for safety,I heard two gun shots. Yes,gun shots.

I can't help but think how easy it is to lose your life,just like that. I've seen worse situations than this,I've seen way more brutal things happen in the 2006 war,but I've never seen a man get killed in a scenario which I might very easily fit in as the man who had been killed. I mean I always get into fights and I always stay out late. What if one day my life ended by getting stabbed by some maniac? What if I ruined my whole life,my whole future,my everything,because of something out of control? Because of fate? What if I was walking down a street with my girlfriend/sister/etc and a guy slapped the girl on her ass? What if that lead to a fight,and he turned out to be a maniac?


What if I was the guy from tonight?

thats insane,i dont know what i would do if i saw someone getting killed.

Damn milanfan, when I go to visit Lebanon I am ALWAYS around the hamra area! That is scary, wow, fights always happen there, always but never a death!?!?

That is insane man, I will probably be back there in the summer, I hope that kind of stuff doesn't happen again.

Milan31 wrote:Damn milanfan, when I go to visit Lebanon I am ALWAYS around the hamra area! That is scary, wow, fights always happen there, always but never a death!?!?

That is insane man, I will probably be back there in the summer, I hope that kind of stuff doesn't happen again.

It probably won't. The government understands that we might lose thousands of tourists if this happens again and hence will have lots of police over there.

You sound like you visit lebanon quite often,where are you from? Do you have any relatives here?

Today I would like to seek advice from my felllow milanistas about a matter....I'm a 17 year old,my friend(my best friend for 12 years) has done a very disgraceful thing....He did not say to me that he had been in a relationship with a girl....I'm not of the opinion that he should say everything to me...But I had asked him several times whether it was true and he denied it vehemently and to affirm it he scolded and abused her in front of my eyes..Yet they both were in a secret relationship..But what I came to know recently was that during the time he was in relationship with her he had cheated on her with another girl(whom he used to call sister)...I'm not angry with him because he didn't say these things to me but I just feel disgusted because I just can't portray my friend to be so disgraceful in his behaviour....It's been a week since I've stopped talking with him and he has been sending messages like my life is incomplete without you and all....What do you guys think I should do....You might think it is too childish and all,but any kind of reply is appreciated

You could start by asking him to explain to you why he did what he did...

milanfan7 wrote:

Milan31 wrote:Damn milanfan, when I go to visit Lebanon I am ALWAYS around the hamra area! That is scary, wow, fights always happen there, always but never a death!?!?

That is insane man, I will probably be back there in the summer, I hope that kind of stuff doesn't happen again.

It probably won't. The government understands that we might lose thousands of tourists if this happens again and hence will have lots of police over there.

You sound like you visit lebanon quite often,where are you from? Do you have any relatives here?

Born in raised in Canada but I am Lebanese Almost all my relatives are in Lebanon, that is why I go almost every summer I LOVE IT THERE!